I Want You to Notice When I'm Not Around
by a nyr byrjun
Summary: "Bella, please. You don't know what you do to me when you're like this. You yell at me, and I take it. You push me away, and I take it. You h-hurt me. And I take it. The least you could do is try to understand." One-Shot
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I wrote this little number when the first sentence hit me wham in the face. I wrote it down and built it up to this. Hope you enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

She was in a sour mood. Huffing and puffing, nearly blowing the house down. She wasn't afraid of the big bad wolf, but he would be afraid of her. _Where was he?_

He was taunting her, making her want him even all the more. It was his intention after all, and his plan had slowly sneaked up on her and now she was under his spell. But not enough to forget who she was, how stubborn she was. Not that he minded. He liked em' feisty.

But she couldn't take how she was feeling, it was driving her insane that he was teasing her. Making her need him as much as he wanted her. But he wanted her to see how it was for him, how it always was for him to resist her. He never denied his desire for her, often openly telling her straight, and now hers was as apparent as his.

She was desperate, rubbing her legs together to stop herself. She tried to see sense, and told herself she was being foolish. She didn't want, didn't need him. She blamed the hormones, they were always such a bother. They were making her delusional. This attraction would fade, go away when she wasn't feeling this way. _I can lie to myself._

She didn't want to admit she felt like jumping his bones, or that she was waiting up for him under the covers in a silky nightgown. But she was, and she didn't care. _I need this. It'll go away after tonight._

_Oh great, Swan. A one night stand, and you're not even a legal adult yet!_

She listened to her father's snores and prayed he would be as incoherent as he was every night when he heard things go bump in the night. He was a heavy sleeper and never really knew when he was awake. They had been doing this for a while, they were practically pros by now. Knew when it was safe and when they would be risking a red alarm.

Jacob had been sneaking into her bedroom every night for about a month now, but what would happen tonight had never happened before. He first started coming up when he apologized for kissing her without his permission. It had ended with a broken first and sore lips. He practically mouth raped her!

He had held her to closely, trapping her in his burning arms. She pushed at his chest with everything she had, but it didn't help one bit. He was stronger than her, much less twice her size. While his lips were pressed against hers, she hoped his neck was hurting, cramping even. He had to reach down so low she felt like a small child. But they both knew she didn't have the body of one.

She didn't want to give up, but eventually had to. She was tired, and he wouldn't budge. She hated him, loathed him. _Who was he to even touch her? Why did have to be her he wanted to touch? Wasn't it enough that she knew him?_

But she couldn't deny his mouth on hers was nothing like anything she had ever experienced. This was her first kiss, and even if it had been stolen she allowed him that. But she would be giving him more than that tonight. Something no one could ever get back. Something pure, the most precious gift.

Not that she felt he deserved it, but it comforted her that she would also get something from him. Her virginity for his, it was only fair. Not that he ever thought of anyone else who could have it. His crush, his obsession had lasted for most of their lives.

_Renee just thought it'd be a good idea for me to live with Charlie, right!_ Not that she blamed her father, she much rather live with him than her mother. They were polar opposites and not that she would ever tell anyone but if she had gone to school with her she would have ended up hating her.

She had felt like the parent instead of the daughter. Life was better this way, well with the exception of Jacob Black. Charlie and Jacob's father, Billy, were the best of friends. It seemed like they were always fishing, watching games and worst of all asking questions like,_ "When are the two of you getting married?"_ _That's something you want to hear everyday. Not._

It seemed like fate just didn't want to separate the two of them, Bella and Jacob, they were meant to be together. Or so Jacob thought. Bella just couldn't take him when he wasn't touching her. It turned out he had the greatest of hands, and knew how to use them. That smoothed of the problem she had tolerating him, but he was annoying when he mentioned it the next day. Agonizing slow, a hush whisper in her ear.

It made her need, the place between her legs, pulse with excitement. She always seemed to be blushing these days, he was becoming more smug. Day by day, trying to show her she needed him, and she would soon love him. He tried every time after they were done with their dirty deeds, to try to show her he more than just a friend with benefits. But she wouldn't listen, instead look away and turn on her side and pretend she was going to sleep.

He was more than frustrated when she did that, and she knew it. She was even afraid of him when he was, often feeling vulnerable after each act. But he didn't give up, just kept trying in his haste for her to see. He would lay with her, behind her, holding her against his clothed chest.

_"Bella, please. You don't know what you do to me when you're like this. You yell at me, and I take it. You push me away, and I take it. You h-hurt me. And I take it. The least you could do is try to understand."_

He would cry, but never say anything afterward. She would feel guilty and turn around, brushing the tears off of his face. Feel the cool moisture on her fingertips, stare at them. She was the one who did this to him, made him feel this way. He cared enough to show that he did. And he wasn't ashamed of it. He wanted her, needed her and loved her more than anything in this world. She tried, she honestly did.

And she would feel for him, more than feel, understand what he was saying but couldn't see herself accepting a relationship. He wasn't that bad of guy when he was like this, bare, naked the most vulnerable. She let his hands squeeze her softness, and let him rest his head on her chest.

He would look at nothing in particular, instead get lost in his thoughts. Breathe in her luscious scent, and feel her warmth. This was his haven, this was would could save him from spiraling. He was going insane without her, but it was better than the nothing that they had before. Instead she invited him in, shared her flesh. Let him be the only one who could touch her, bring her into oblivion, over and over again.

They shared the most intimate of moments, but he wanted not only her body, but her heart and soul. He would stay, fall asleep, his head ending up on her stomach. She stroked his soft hair, the black contrasting with her pale fingers drastically, and she occasionally running her fingers through it. It calmed almost them both as much as a bottle of warm milk did a child. She watched him, his face softening with sleep.

He looked so much better, less stressed, more like he was home. Not a worry in his mind, lost in sleepless daze until morning. He would stay of course, not leaving until he was sure Charlie would wake, assuring her he wouldn't get caught.

_"Bells, he'd love to know I was coming here every night. Pampering you with my lovin'. Blessing his daughter with orgasms galore. Well maybe not the last part," _he would joke. If only she could get what the joke was. She was always worried. But he still indulged his ego when he said he could sneak out of the chiefs house with little trouble. _Maybe it was a good thing Charlie owned a gun._

But she soon learned why he was so confident, her world came crashing down. They had gotten into in a meaningless fight, at least to her it was meaningless, and he had exploded with fury. He had tried, tried to his best not to hurt her. All of a sudden feeling lethal as he gazed down at her. She was just too beautiful for words, so lovely in such delicate clothing, so fragile in this setting.

He stood, with his hands fists at his sides, and tried to breathe. She was sitting on her bed, the soft covers folded into a triangle away from her, as she tried to get away. The lamp was on, and he stood with the light reflecting in his angry eyes.

_"You're afraid of me now, is that it? Is it cos' I get too touchy when I try to tell you my feelings? Is it because you can't admit to yourself that you feel the same way I do for you about me? I'm tired of trying to bang into that thick skull of yours, face it. I can't even tell you that I love you because you're afraid. Afraid that you'll finally see that you love me. Just as damn much as I do you."_

He left, his face even red against his russet skin. His warmth that normally radiated from his body was intensified. It was a flame in the air, she felt herself getting hotter and couldn't bare to imagine how he felt. _Why did he always end up making her feel like she was the bad guy? The villain?_ It wasn't as if she sat there, twirling her imaginary mustache.

He didn't call, didn't come to her room for a few days. She ended up seeking him, leaving messages on his answering machine. This wasn't like him, she never called him. She had even had to search for the number he had given her. Leaving a message was more than her dignity could take.

When the phone was answered, it wasn't even him. It was his father, Billy. And all he ended up telling he was that he wasn't feeling well and couldn't come to phone._ So he was sick._ She had clicked her tongue and told him to have Jacob call her when he was feeling better.

And he did, much to her relief. But what he had told her, left her confused. She didn't understand the jumble of words he was saying, he was ranting. _She couldn't even get a word through!_

_"I don't feel the same way, Bella. I'm not the same as I was before. I'm so scared, I feel horrible. I've changed and I'm a monster. I can't tell you what's happened, but I want to. I want to so badly, you don't understand." _His voice was rough, he sounded weak. Not like the last time he had heard he voice. It even had her scared.

_"Jacob, you can tell me anything. You know that." _She didn't even care how she had said this, her voice a comforting whisper. She was scared, he had never been like this before.

_"No I can't, Bella. Not this time. I'm sorry, I'm so s-sorry,"_ he choked on his words and started sobbing. _"You'll never even want to look at me," _she swore he had whispered. _"You'll never love me." _He had hung up after that and she didn't take it to herself to be offended. She felt horrible inside, a deep pang of terror in her stomach.

She was being selfish, standing there in her kitchen. The phone slipping from her hands to the floor, only to face the impact with the floor alone. Her body was still, her mind light years away. _She had to see him. He needed her. And where was she? Actually debating on whether or not she would head down to La Push._

She had practically ran to her truck, not even bothering to put on her seat belt, even though she knew Charlie would disapprove. She speed, the car engine not going any faster than 55 mph. She banged her palm on the steering wheel, annoyed with the sudden road traffic. _On all of days._

Blaring the horn wasn't even working, she was a woman on a mission. Never if you had mentioned to Bella Swan that she would fight off traffic, risk getting slammed into or almost getting out of the car to hit someone just to see Jacob Black would she have believed you. But here she was, a whole different person. And boy, was she angry. Furious. Even to the point, she was getting teary eyed.

_Crying for Jacob. Crying for what she had done to him, put him through. And for what he was feeling. _She wouldn't ever forgive herself, and would never believe him if he said he did. All she wanted to do was apologize, hold him her arms again. Give him what he wanted. Her love. She loved him but would never tell him. She couldn't even tell herself. But she knew, deep down inside.

She all but cheered when the road finally cleared. She took the turn off, and went right. In a matter of minutes, a small house came into view, and she rushed her park. She debated even parking but did, slamming her door shut. Her limbs were on a roll today, and she ran the fastest she would ever. _She had to see him. Had to._

She knocked on the door, her fist pounding on the wood. The marrow in her bones hurt, but all she wanted was the door to be opened. For someone, anyone to open it. She was this close and couldn't wait any longer.

_"Jacob!"_ she started to yell when after only a few seconds had passed without a peep from inside. _"Please, J-Jacob."_ She was full out crying now, and all her tears were for him. Because of him, _where was he?_

She knew she wouldn't stand a chance against the door, but couldn't help but hit her body against it. Suddenly, she fell. Or she was falling, had been falling. So sure of almost falling on her face, but something caught her. Someone had caught her. _Him._ She sobbed into his chest and finally realized everything she had been denying him, denying herself was all true. She needed him, as much as he needed her and she would give in.

Finally give in after all this time, and she would enjoy it. She looked up at him, picking up her head from his chest, the tears blurring the image of what he was. But she still saw him clearly, and went straight blaming her eyes. _Were they playing tricks on her? Now that she admitted that she was in love with him? _She clutched his shirt tighter in her hand.

He looked gigantic, and even more a man than the frail teenage boy he was. But it seemed that boy was now gone, and instead replaced with something that seemed to be even bigger. His muscles before impressive now bulged, making her eyes grow as wide as saucers. But the expression on his face made her come undone within herself.

They're eyes locked, and he looked as if he had gone into shock. The way he was staring at her made her stomach buzz with bumble bees instead of butterflies. She wasn't nervous instead, feeling as if she had sucked into an entirely new world. Something enhancing. The universe had abruptly stopped.

He looked at her with an expression of awe. He had always looked at her like this, but this time it was different. His eyes were on fire, blazing, even smoldering having a life of their own. Gravity wasn't the thing holding him where he was at this moment, it was her. He felt in that instant he would do anything for her, be anything for her. But he was still in this second, as she was.

And when she reached up for him, he reached down for her. Their lips in unison, moved with one another. Consuming, they kissed each other passionately, making love in a different sense. The hunger they felt for each other was almost too much. Her small petite fingers weaved themselves into his hair, pulling him down,_ Oh god. _She moaned, breaking the silence.

He made a small noise in the back of his throat, listening to the sounds she was making. Feeling an ache rise in his loins, he hooked his arms underneath her thighs, wrapping her legs around his waist. They finally pulled apart when they each felt droplets of cold rain fall, but that didn't stop them. But even more so made them lose themselves in one another.

They were getting soaked in the rain, but didn't make any move to go inside. It felt invigorating to feel the cold, to shiver and depend on the warmth of each other. Things took on an even more intense level when their tongues met, massaging in their wake.

It wasn't the same after that day, Jacob had found out from Sam he had imprinted. Bella didn't know anything about the phenomenon and took it all as a joke when Jacob explained he was in fact a werewolf. _He was crazy, did he think this was funny?_ She ended up on his bed laughing so hard the bed shook.

_"Bella,__ honey. This isn't a joke. I'm serious, deadly serious. I'm so tightly bound, this was born with me. It's in me." _he gestured to his heart and forced her hand to stay on his chest. His eyes plead with her to see he was telling the truth. She was on the verge of tears, but slowly thought over what he had said. Then she fainted.

She almost had a field day when he confessed he had imprinted on her. They were soul mates and she could hear the pride in his voice as he stroked her cheek with a rough hand. _"I told you we were meant to be together." _What she had learned was that there was a wolfy connection between the two of them, but it wasn't a thing such as love at first sight. Instead it had to do with gravity, he would be anything she wanted.

_"Stop assing around Jacob." _She pushed at his chest and felt her face heat again before she feel in a black cloud. She had fainted, again. Today was just not her day for hearing anything she didn't want to. She was emotional and hormonal. _Who knew being a teenager was so hard? Especially one that was in love with someone she hated. Yeah, that made perfect sense._

When she finally found her body again, her fingers twitched. Jacob was already on her, brushing her hair from her face, sighing. He couldn't believe this was happening. The past few days he had turned into a beast, learned he wouldn't even age if he phased and the woman he adored, loved didn't want to hear a word about it.

_"I don't believe you." _Bella mumbled, standing her ground on the subject._ "People don't just morph into giant dogs." _She lay on his small bed, reaching for the pillow with her eyes closed. She was tired and mentally exhausted. Her mind needed to rest even though she had fainted, she needed the time alone.

_"Wanna bet?" _Her eyes opened, she looked at him bewildered. She didn't, couldn't believe him. That was until she saw it happen right before her eyes.

His clothes were torn in the instant his transformation began. It all happened in a split second, if she had blinked she would have missed the whole thing. She had sat up quickly and the next thing she felt was a wet nose on her cheek. She was terrified and excited all at the same time. It's eyes were huge and black but she knew it was him. Not just a wolf, but _her wolf. _

She hesitantly reached with her hand and he nudged his head into her palm. He was monstrous is size and in looks but this was Jacob. He wouldn't dare hurt her, but he was taking up most of the room by now. _Was a wolf suppose to be this big? _He was almost the same size of a bear and as tall as a full grown horse. It scared her but thrilled her at the same.

To know he had the ability to be something entirely different than just a human, she was suddenly thrown into a different dimension. She believed when she was little that magical things were possible, and in her early teen years that the supernatural existed but the fad soon faded. She had to think logically, she was in the real world, or so she had thought. Nothing would ever be the same.

He may have looked like a beast but he was warm against her, looking like a puppy waiting for a good scratch. Bella didn't know what to do but soon started pushing her limits when she ran her fingers through his reddish brown mane. His eyes were nearly black but she felt as if she were staring into his human eyes. That wouldn't change, she knew Jacob by his eyes. He was her sun and even though she had pretended she had hated him all these years, he had made her life all the more worth while.

She heard a sharp tap on her window and she flinched in the comfortable confines of her bed. It was dark, all the lights were off in her room. She looked to her door first to see if Charlie had heard but found the door still shut, no noises behind it could be heard.

She then pulled the covers from over her, and walked to her window. When she looked outside she saw him, near the end end of the tree grinning. He waved and she couldn't help but laugh silently at his childish behavior.

Her insides started to panic in her small body when she considered what they were about to do. She watched as his limbs carried him until his arm met a thick branch. He grabbed it and hoisted himself up effortlessly, and then his knee was at the edge of the available opening.

She moved back, her arms hugging herself. There was a chill coming from outside and no later than a second were his arms were around her. His heat calmed her, and her body molded into his almost instantly. It was only natural and he leaned down for a kiss. She returned it, feel obligated to tell him what she had been suggestive about for days. She was nervous when she pulled back and he looked down at her puzzled.

She wanted to tell him, _but what if she couldn't get it all out? What if she stopped halfway and regretted it? What if made everything change between their new found compatibility?_

And then she finally spoke the words he'd been waiting for her to say for years, "I love you." _This would be the start of a new beginning._

**A/N: Aww! Please leave a review if you thought it was worth the read. This is staying a one-shot but maybe it'll turn into something more.**


	2. PLEASE READ: Farewell

_This isn't anything good or something you really want to hear if you enjoy my stories. Quite the opposite. I'm very sad to inform all my readers that I will not continue to write any more fanfiction._

_Even though I have promised some in the most recent weeks that I have been constructing new material, I have realized that within the past couple of days that if I truly want to become a novelist, that I first must begin with my own original stories. I can no longer borrow and use characters of which that are not my own._

_I have just enrolled into college, and I am going to be studying to obtain a degree in English Literature and the pressure is already astounding. With multiple classes, and travel hours exceeding over 2 hours, I won't have much time to write for myself much less any of you who have followed my work throughout the years._

_I don't want to come out and be insensitive, because leaving fanfiction is really one of the hardest decisions but I cannot sacrifice my time and effort any longer on material which is not made up of characters that I have created and molded._

_I truly am sorry. I won't come out say that I have been the best writer or the most frequent updater, but I have given my readers a part of myself that I still don't understand. In my writing, I have given everything lost and hidden, unknown to anyone in my personal life to everyone who has read a story of mine._

_What I will miss the most, are my readers. You have all encouraged me when I felt there was nothing else to give, to continue when I thought I had no story to tell and defended me and my writing when others disapproved. You have made me a better writer than I ever thought I would be._

_I want to thank everyone. You have all touched my heart._

- a nyr byrjun


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